Relationships are the most fulfilling and yet painful teachers in life. In relationships you learn the type of people you’re attracted to and what characteristics drive you crazy. You also discover how weak or strong you are in staying true to yourself.

You Deserve the Best

Have you heard someone say, “I lost myself in that relationship?”

You know how the relationship began. There was passion, exuberance, joy, and the belief this was The One. The beginning had all the qualities of infatuation. Both people probably thought this was their Soulmate. Both had brains producing oxytocin, phenylethylamine, and endorphins. It felt so right… yet it wasn’t.

In the end it was painful.

If you don’t know what’s important to you, you’re in danger of choosing the wrong person as a partner. It’s important to have a firm commitment to yourself to overcome the chemical attraction to someone who is not compatible with your life goals and dreams.

You may have found your beloved but has your beloved lost themselves? Are you strong enough to tell someone on a self-destructive path, “If I had two lives, I’d give you one. I’m not going to give you my only one?”

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in life or what was done to you. You deserve the best. You deserve love and joy.

 Make choices about who and what you have in your life that prove to yourself and others that you deserve the best in life.

Know What You Want in Life

If your dream was to have a life-long marriage in which you raised children together, had backyard parties, and the focus was your home life, that won’t happen with someone who isn’t interested in having children or a permanent commitment.

No matter how much you love someone, no matter how strongly you feel about someone, you can’t change them if they don’t want to change. Don’t be one of the many broken-hearted who thought your love was so true they would see it your way.

You are the one responsible for your life. No one can make you happy. Happiness comes from within. Happiness comes from being comfortable with yourself and following the dreams you have in your heart.

Are your dreams and passions compatible with the person you’re with? The intensity of the beginning of a relationship will not last forever. The daily routines of life take over and you will wonder what happened to the passion.

Know How You Want to Be Treated

  • If you want to be treated with respect, someone who belittles you will not give you that.
  • If you want someone who supports your dreams and activities, someone who shows little interest in what you do will not give you that support.
  • If you want someone who can support themselves, someone who moves from job to job isn’t the one.
  • If you want someone who has inner strength, someone who needs your continual affirmation and praise hasn’t discover their inner strength.

When people are unhappy with themselves, they will often project that unhappiness onto others.

How your potential partner treats family, friends, and colleagues gives an excellent indication of how you will be treated in a long-term relationship.

Here’s an important secret few people know. If you don’t like yourself, your chances increase of finding someone who will treat you as if they don’t like you.

Do You Like You?

  • If not, the tendency is for you to attract people who won’t like you. That’s not true in all cases.
  • If you’re putting up with someone who’s treating you badly, it’s time to invest in yourself and get a coach or therapist who can help you discover your gifts.

The One Person You Can Change

Do you know how many therapists it takes to change a lightbulb? Only one but the light bulb needs to really want to change.

Just because you want someone to change doesn’t mean that someone wants to change. It doesn’t matter how much he loves you or how much she says she needs you. There must be a drive within to make changes in life. You can’t control the spark within someone else. You are in charge of your own spark.

You can change if you want to. Consider these ideas:

  • The ability to change depends upon your motivation and your tenacity.
  • Change can be difficult, but your desire to change will help you to overcome your resistance.
  • You may need to give up behaviours, activities, ways of thinking, and even certain people to achieve some goals.

How much do you want it, whatever “it” is? Is “it” worth the time, effort and upheaval you will experience as you change?

Within you is an amazing wonderful person waiting to be discovered. Fear not and discover what’s within you.

Summary

You’re deserving of all the wonderful things of life. Yes, that means love, material things, a wonderful job, and more.
In the next lesson, you’ll review all you’ve learned. You did a lot!

Here’s What You Need To Do Today

Reflection

Rate the following on a scale of 1-5:

  1. I am clear on what is important to me in my life.
  2. I follow through on my dreams when I am in a relationship.
  3. I like myself.
  4. My partner (or last partner) treated me the way I wanted.
  5. I treat myself the way I want.

Additional Resources

Self Love Pave the Way for Loving Others

 

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