You’ve learned about the intensity of “falling in love” and the familiarity of the past.

These elements explain why breaking up causes such intense emotional and physical pain. In this lesson you’ll learn strategies to make it through the break-up as quickly as possible.

Techniques to Move through Your Break-Up

  1. Be determined. It’s important for you to decide to let the person go emotionally. Then gather all your determination to follow through on your decision.
    • Taking the steps necessary to let someone go is a gift you give yourself.
    • Breaking up is a painful process. Make it as painless and as quick as possible.
  1. Stop making the chemicals. You have a pattern in your brain devoted to the person you were with.
    • The key is to lessen the strength of that pattern. When the chemicals produced end, it will be easier to let the person go.
    • The more you think about the person, the more chemicals your body makes.
  2. Stop thinking about them. They’re not far from your thoughts. A song on the radio, driving by a favourite place, seeing a picture or their name brings back the feelings and the pain. As the motto goes, “Be prepared!”
    • When you catch yourself thinking about them, think about something else.
    • Prepare for this by having a “filing cabinet” in your mind. In your filing cabinet, place the high points of your life without your former partner. This could be favourite holidays, achievements, and such.
    • Pull yourself away from your memories or thoughts of your ex as quickly as possible.
  3. Find something to do with your time. Relationships occupy a great deal of time. Now that you no longer have a partner, you have more free time than you know what to do with.
    • What did you do before this relationship? Who did you hang around with before? Rekindle those relationships and begin doing again the things you let go of during the relationship.
    • Do something totally different. Learn a new skill. Visit family or friends you haven’t seen in a while.
  4. Exorcise your pain. This seems contradictory to the “stop thinking about your ex” tip, but it helps.
    • Write a series of letters you will not  send to your ex. Include your anger and hurt.
      Say whatever you want using whatever language you want. Write 3-5 of them.
    • When finished, burn them and watch the pain drifting away with the smoke.
  5. Learn from what happened. Turn that pain into a gift for yourself. Evaluate the relationship:
    • What did you like about it?
    • What do you never want to experience again?
    • What drew you to this person?
    • Who in your family or past were they like?
    • What were the signs that this wasn’t the right person for you?
    • What could you have done differently?
  6. Give to others. Grieving for a deep loss is all about you. One of the best ways to forget your pain is to help those in need.
    • Teach someone to read.
    • Volunteer at an animal shelter.
    • Visit a home for the elderly.
    • Volunteer with children.

You may need to take conscious steps to pull yourself out of the grieving process.  Yes, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve, but it’s also important to move on too.

The Joy of Freedom

When you complete your grieving and can say, “I am so over them,” you will feel a lightness and joy within you.

You’ll experience freedom within yourself. Most people wonder how they let themselves stay in a painful relationship so long.

Allow yourself the time to get to know yourself as a single person again.

Beware of the Rebound

Many people go out and find another relationship as soon as one ends. As much as this may help you to get over your ex, it also increases the chances of finding someone similar to your ex.

Take time to grieve, so you are emotionally ready for a new relationship. It’s no fun to repeat the same pattern continuously.

Summary

Breaking up requires strategies to stop thinking of your ex and the things you used to do. Find other constructive ways to fill the time you now have. You can do this. You just need to be determined.

The next lesson discusses being true to yourself. But before you go, please do the following short exercise.

Here’s What You Need To Do Today

Your Filing Cabinet

Imagine you have a filing cabinet in your mind. Close your eyes and see that filing cabinet. Come up with three memories you can put in that filing cabinet. Tell yourself these are the memories you are going to “pull out” when you catch yourself thinking about your ex.

Write the memories in as much sensory detail as you can.

Additional Resources

I Have the Strength to Walk Away from Unhealthy Relationships

 

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