We cannot see hidden wounds, such as PTSD, trauma from childhood, mental health problems, invisible disabilities etc.
This is why, when we need support through difficult times in our lives, we cannot always EXPECT the people around us to fulfil that role, even though we might have a belief that they SHOULD, “IF they love us enough…”.
The capacity to feel love and give support sadly can’t always override these hidden wounds and life challenges;
A person who is doing their absolute best to love and care for their children whilst also living with some of these other challenges may have to stop being ‘the good friend’ and listening to your relationship problems
A person who is doing their absolute best to cope with a chronic health condition may stop responding to your texts whilst they are having a flare up, but not want you to worry about them or make a fuss, so they don’t tell you, they just withdraw
A person who is doing their absolute best to cope with caring for a disabled family member may reduce or stop hanging out with friends because they are feeling so exhausted they just don’t have the energy for it at the moment
A person who is doing their absolute best to deal with postnatal depression after the birth of their baby may withdraw because they feel guilt and shame for struggling when everyone is constantly telling them they should feel ‘happy’ and grateful that they have a beautiful baby
A person who is doing their absolute best to do deep healing work on their buried or hidden challenges may stop trying to help everybody else whilst they focus on learning to help themselves, maybe for the first time in their lives
In our current culture, we are so quick to label and judge people for not ‘supporting us’, ‘not being there for us’, ‘being selfish’, ‘being narcissistic’, thinking they can’t possibly love us enough if they don’t jump to help us as soon as we have problems, yet we often don’t stop to wonder what they themselves may be going through.
Part of emotional maturity and genuine self-care (rather than just the Pinterest-worthy candles-and-bubble-baths!) is recognising when the people around us AREN’T in a position to help us, and seeking out alternative sources of support that CAN.
So stop judging and shaming our loved ones, friends, and family members for being ‘selfish’ or ‘insensitive’ because they can’t be there for us when we need support, without even stopping to consider that they may ALSO have needs and challenges that they are currently dealing with, that we don’t even know about…
Remember; there’s much more truth that you are blind to…